On Grief, Music, and Fandom

The 25th March 2022 is a date that will be burned into the minds of many people. It will forever be the date when a bright light and infectious spirit was extinguished and taken from the world. A soul that a world in turmoil so desperately needed as we eased out of Covid yet also found ourselves watching scenes of war play out on every platform.

Grief is a strange, and multifaceted emotion, rolling from disbelief to despair to denial to a strange kind of acceptance that the world you once knew no longer exists. People cope with grief in a number of ways. Some shut down and become introspective while others, in these days of 24 hour interconnectivity, choose to share their grief and love for the deceased daily. Neither way is wrong and no one person's way of grieving for those who have passed is right or wrong.

Losing a celebrity, someone who many had possibly seen and some had even met, hits differently. There's a collective grief, not just from the fans but from those who were close. Friends who had known them for years, even decades, now have a chance to share their thoughts in real time. We get to see their heartache and pain the very moment it happens and this can be both cathartic in the knowledge that others feel the same and lonely in that we may not have anyone close by who will understand our grief. Close family and friends of those who have passed have one another to find comfort in. Fans sometimes only have themselves with no one in the local vicinity who would be willing to spend time sharing in that grief. Thankfully, there are now platforms where fans can connect and spend time grieving and sharing memories, if only in cyberspace.

But that loneliness of being the only one who had a connection to the deceased can still cut deep and over the past weeks this has played out numerous times on social media. People who are missing Taylor have turned to decorating their timelines with photographs and memories. In turn, the interactions with their posts become few and far between as friends and family outside of their music circle lose interest and move on. In a handful of cases, bitter interactions have flared up as for those who this was just another blip in a constantly changing news cycle tell those who are grieving that it is time to move on. The past few years have been rough and now, for some people, they've lost the one speck of hope that was driving them forward through the continued pain of a world seemingly gone mad.

I had the unique opportunity to be both a part of the close-knit self-built Foo Family and to also watch them from the sidelines while I documented their lives. Every band that is as tight as Foo Fighters are will have a band of fans who treat themselves, and the band, like family. Everyone who is a part of that band, whether it's the main players themselves, crew members, or fans standing in line is a part of that family. Everyone is taken in and given a space to feel comfortable and to express that love. And that is a love that spills over into everything that they do, from their day to day lives to weddings to births; that band will be with them somewhere. And, in a way, we forget that there's a world outside of that fan family. We can forget that others won't care as deeply as us, nor grieve as long. For fans, losing an integral part of a band truly is like losing a family member. We may not have known them personally but they gave us joy and helped us through some of our darkest moments. And now, in their darkest moments, it's up to us to give them time to grieve and to process what's happened. It's up to us to be the family that we said we were and, rather than speculate on the future or ask for answers, encircle them with love.

Look after one another. Keep family and friends close and look after yourself as best you can. Know that you can step away anytime you need in order to have some space and that those you love will be there when you return. Know that you can stop doomscrolling and take a break. Grief isn't easy, nor does it always become easier. But there will always be someone there who will listen.

Rest easy, Taylor. You are so very loved.

~~~

Rachael writes both fiction and non-fiction with a musical slant. You can find her website at: www.roswellpublishing.co.uk